I am a Letterboxd boy now

Every year and every break-up — but I repeat myself — brings a new burst of pointless creativity. This year’s burst has been spent on Letterboxd, the handy film website that turns your experience into charts, lists, and data, all things I love.

Follow me there for a stupid amount of movie reviews.

Movies of 2017

It was a busy year, for reasons no one on the Internet needs remembering. The version of me that could watch 75+ new movies in a year is gone, long gone. The version that actually was around for first weekends of blockbusters and date movies, and had time to watch movies on planes — he’s still kicking.

Stuff I still need (or “need”) to see: I, Tonya; Call Me By Your Name; Phantom Thread; The Florida Project; Coco;  The Post. (No, there was no special premiere for all Post employees. There were several DC screenings and I wasn’t invited to any, NOT THAT I’M BITTER.)

  1. Get Out
    Everything about this worked for me — the enraging villains, the social commentary, the goofy friend and his cop-out ending.
  2. Lady Bird
    Greta Gerwig can do no wrong.
  3. I, Daniel Blake
    Prime Ken Loach, the sort of white-knuckle class war drama that nobody else can make without getting accused of ripping off Ken Loach.
  4. Blade Runner 2049
    Too long, and a few too many sops to the genre (why does the evil replicant hench-lady crush the memory stick instead of using it to see what K’s been up to? Oh, because she’s evil), but so gorgeous to look at. I am a sucker for world-building, and the work done here to take the decaying world of “Blade Runner” and make it decay further for 30 years was fantastic. Six months later I still can see those grey acres of wriggling “protein farms.”
  5. The Big Sick
    If Judd Apatow wants to keep handing the keys to younger comedians with good stories, fine by me. Half winning, relatable rom-com, half painful culture clash, and all of it works.
  6. Dunkirk
    It’s a good war movie, what else do you people want?
  7. Logan
    The kind of superhero movie that justifies the genre — though I’d say that about “Deadpool,” too, revealing how bad my taste is. I wasn’t sold on the X-Men comics being part of the movie’s reality, and it was a little on-the-nose to watch an ailing Hugh Jackman fight a brainless clone of Hugh Jackman at pivotal moments. But I haven’t felt this tense during a movie in years, and haven’t said “fuck!” as much in public as I did during moments when Logan and Lore brutally murdered the hapless henchmen who kept coming after them.
  8. Baby Driver
    Too long, especially since Edgar Wright has effectively made fun of the “you think he’s dead, no wait he’s back, no he’s dead, but what’s this” climax. The absence of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost means a lot less to sit with and quote back to your friends when it’s over. But extremely fun while you’re watching.
  9. The Disaster Artist
  10. The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
    I for one embrace our Gerwig-Baumbach overlords.
  11. Spider-Man: Homecoming
  12. Thor: Ragnarok
  13. The Shape of Water
  14. Oasis: Supersonic
  15. The Founder
  16. Okja
  17. The Lovers
  18. Logan Lucky
  19. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
  20. I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore
  21. Beatriz at Dinner
    Extremely effective, if a little stage-bound, drama about clueless rich white people interacting with the underclass. One thing that stuck with me was how Salma Hayek was shot — not as the bombshell letting her hair fall over her decolletage, but as a short, savvy woman loomed over by arrogant no-nothings. Also contains one of my favorite performances of the year — David Warshofsky as a tightly-strung suck-up to John Lithgow’s clearly amoral real estate tycoon.
  22. A Ghost Story
  23. T2: Trainspotting
  24. I Am Not Your Negro
  25. Wonder Woman
    Far too long, but the World War I battle scenes make up for it.
  26. The Lost City of Z
  27. Darkest Hour
  28. Downsizing
  29. The LEGO Batman Movie
  30. The Beguiled
  31. Landline
  32. Kong: Skull Island
  33. Alien: Covenant
  34. Table 19
    Harmless and effective Duplass brother dramedy about a bunch of misfits who find happiness at a wedding no one wanted them to attend. Extremely ropey at times, but I shed an actual tear at the end of it, so respect must be paid.
  35. Star Wars: The Last Jedi
    It’s fine. The best parts add something new to the canon — Carrie Poppins! The worst parts make me dread how Star Wars movies will be part of our rote holiday tradition until Disney stops making money on them.
  36. Justice League
  37. Life
  38. A United Kingdom
    The kind of story that you can’t believe nobody’s adapted yet — as South Africa implemented apartheid, a black king of Botswana took a white, English wife, and was banned from returning to his country for years as diplomats alternately schemed and crapped themselves. It’s all very well told, but in a movie-of-the-week way. Also, how many more times do we have to watch Clement Attlee get owned in British historical drama? The man created the modern welfare state, and we have to watch him make incompetent grabs for power (“The Crown”) and cynically do the bidding of racists to acquire uranium (this movie).
  39. Split
  40. Colossal
  41. War for the Planet of the Apes
    These movies just leave me cold, and I guess I’m the only one.
  42. It Comes At Night
    Answering the question, at last: What would a post-apocalyptic drama look like if Terrence Malick directed it? The answer: Half tense, half pretty dull and un-engaging. Director Trey Edward Shults has now made two very Malick-y movies that offer a semi-interesting spin on an established genre. Good for him, I guess!
  43. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
  44. The Fate of the Furious
  45. Cars 3
  46. Free Fire
    “What if we spent an entire movie on just one shoot-out” is an idea that made sense to way too many producers and actors.
  47. Snatched
  48. Wilson
    “Ghost World” is feeling more and more like a fluke — the rest of Daniel Clowes’s wince-inducing slice-of-life comedies do not work when transferred from page to screen. Lots goes wrong here — Judy Greer as the cute neighbor who will obviously set things right drains the misery out of the script — but probably the best example of what’s lost in translation is a scene in which Woody Harrelson’s titular misanthope sits and watches a tree lose its leaves. In the comic, it was a one-page gag; in the movie, it’s shot like one of those Qatsi movies, all shutter-speed and emotional string sections.
  49. The House
    There are moments when the comic actors are really grooving, and you wonder why critics said this was a formless mess. Then you get to the third act and it’s a formless mess.
  50. Ghost in the Shell
    Boy, this one wasn’t helped by the existence of “Blade Runner 2049.”

Little Furry Things

Zootopia (Howard/Moore/Bush, 2016)
A terrifying and unrelenting vision of a world long after the apocalypse, where only mammals survived, and built their own civilization with all of the mistakes that zoomed humanity.

Nah, fuck it, this is a kid’s movie about a cute bunny (Ginnifer Goodwin) who fulfills her lifelong dream of becoming the first tiny mammal cop in a world of talking animals; previously, we see, only the largest animals had become cops. (This seems entirely sensible, but a nice training sequence reveals how Judy Hopps learned to use her speed and high jump to compete with the more lumbering cops). Assigned to the garbage meter maid beat, she encounters a con artist fox (Jason Bateman), who is far more comfortable with the limitations placed on him by speciesism. There is a mystery. Spoiler: They solve it.

The test of any kid’s cartoon is whether the target audience will find it cute and the parents who pay for it will find it witty. “Zootopia” succeeds, even if some of the jokes are right on the bunny nose. (A mob boss named Mr. Big — who is actually very tiny — and talks like Vito Corleone! Ah ha ha fuck you.) The characters are adorable, the world-building is gorgeous if theme park-esque, and there is a delightfully problematic through-line about whether we can ever escape our genetic inheritance. Put another way: This is a movie for children in which the hero explains that some animals may simply be “biologically” inclined to violence, and where the voice of Idris Elba, through a water buffalo, says that “this world was already broken.”

Kung Fu Panda 3 (Jennifer Yuh Nelson, 2016)
The delightful but derivative series continues (no one can say “concludes”) with a story about the titular panda, Po, (Jack Black) encountering an ancient, soul-sucking evil (J.K. Simmons) and overcoming him to become a “master of qi.”

Look, if I was eight or nine years old, I fully believe that these would be my favorite movies — funny, furry characters getting into beautifully choreographed battles, all re-enactable in the backyard. As a man who was born around the same time as Michael Phelps but achieved much less, I still have a spot for these movies — in part because the voice casting rewards fans of “Mr. Show,” in part because I watch them when I am on planes and very tired.

Still, there’s a visible tug of war between the plot points that were designed by committee and the dialogue punched up by funny people. I enjoyed the banter, especially a running gag about Kai’s frustration that no one remembers him 500 years after he was banished to the spirit realm. I sort of shrugged through the introduction of a Secret Panda Village where a civilization that abandoned Po (for reasons never explained) takes him in and acts all goofy. Evil is defeated by people Being Themselves and Working Together. Finally!

Ghostbusters (2016)

The first “Ghostbusters” was a formative movie experience for me, but not a sacred one. I saw it on TV or VHS sometime before 1989, i.e. when I was 7 or 8 years old. (I know this because I saw the sequel in the theater, when I was tood young.) Parts of that movie mapped the “screaming terror” part of my brain — Rick Moranis’s party gone wrong, Gozer’s red eyes, the librarian ghost that transforms when Bill Murray talks to it. In my teenage years and, yes, even today, the better lines became part of my conversation. “Cats and dogs, living together!” “When someone asks you if you’re a God, you say yes!”

Still, I snorted with all of the other right-thinking people when the geek army, having conquered all of pop culture, declared war on “Lady Ghostbusters.” I wanted it to be great.

It is not great. As remakes go, it’s higher than “Rollerball” and many floors below “Dawn of the Dead.” I align myself, as usual, with Sonny Bunch, mostly in his contempt for the people (cough RICHARD BRODY) who have been attempting to retcon the original film as a middling nostalgia joint.


Product placement. A minor gripe elevated by how goddamn much it appears. Patty’s uncle is not just not a rent-a-car — he’s not a “Enterprise rent-a-car.” Holtzmann doesn’t just eat during the first sighting — she eats Pringles. For Christ’s sake, the Manhattan-based Ghostbusters order pizza and we get several wide shots of the Papa John’s box it came in. I’m not even a New Yorker and I was offended on Gotham’s behalf.

Dialogue. This is by far the least funny of the Paul Feig movies, and it happens to be the one grasping for the baton from a cultural institution. The more improved-sounding dialogue is perfectly fine; Wiig and McCarthy have great chemistry, eve if the joke is that they’re never in emotional sync. McKinnon, one of our muggiest actors, is fun to watch but never quotable; Leslie Jones is better than I’ve ever seen her, but I can’t remember anything she said.

Plotting. We get to the ghosts fast enough, but there’s no momentum and plenty of holes. The chintzy TV ad campaign of the first film explained how they stayed in business; this time the ‘busters have money problems but seemingly infinite scrap metal. Killer lazers shoot into random streets with no effect. Characters make stupid decisions to set up the conflict, far less satisfying than the original film’s “everything was going fine until the fucking EPA showed up” plot motor.


New characterizations. Feig didn’t want people to be muttering “is that the new Egon,” and voila, the four ‘busters are actually pretty well drawn characters. If one measure of success is that nerdy girls have new heroes to trick-or-treat as, then this is a success — go ahead, awkward girl who wants to gel up her hair and be Holtzmann.

Feminity. Seriously, it was fine. A dance party instead of “we came, we saw, we kicked its ass?” Sure. A himbo secretary? Very funny, thanks to Thor. Unlike some percentage of the Internet, I’m fine with this film existing. I just don’t feel a need to ever see it again.

Ink-Stained Wretches

Truth (James Vanderbilt, 2015) and Spotlight (Tom McCarthy, 2015)
As I finish my book about the progressive rock movement — or, more to the point, as I procrastinate by spending 20 minutes writing something else — two nagging demons keep jumping on my shoulder. One says that I need to do a bit more work to get the story right. (That’s for the second draft, asshole.) One whispers the possibility that someone will cover the same subject, and drop it when my book drops, and make me wilt in the shadow.

So: I do not envy James Vanderbilt. Under normal circumstances, in which there are no movies about journalism in theaters, he would have just made a frustratingly bad one. The cruel god of timing cursed him to release that bad movie just weeks before “Spotlight,” probably the best movie of 2015, and one of the best-ever about journalism.

Talking to another friend (a journalist) who sat through both, we found ourselves wondering why Truth‘s story of hubris and failure was so much less compelling than Spotlight‘s story of success. It’s more than the clunky writing or Truth‘s seemingly endless use of slo-mo for effect. It’s that Spotlight is just so much smarter, and finds the darkness, the lack of real satisfaction, even in what seems like success.

It’s a smart movie, is what I’m saying. Truth is most decidedly not. It adapts the memoir of Mary Mapes, the CBS producer who we would remember as the scapegoat of the botched story on George W. Bush’s Texas Air National Guard service, if not for the fact that Dan Rather threw his scalp on top of hers. Cate Blanchett plays Mapes, Robert Redford plays Rather, and both seem to be stretching the thin material into Oscar-shapes. It does not work, because they are trapped in the kind of movie that introduces a heroic veteran with a slow-mo shot of him saluting at a rainy military funeral; the kind of movie where a character warns that “you’ll know it’s bad when they ask to see our source,” then later has a villainous executive ask to see the source, and the same character turn and wryly tell his companion “now it’s bad.”

These are decisions that assume a very stupid audience. Strange, because… who did Vanderbilt think his audience was? The “Rathergate” disaster was compelling enough to inspire a similar story in Aaron Sorkin’s The Newsroom, but the only people who want to revisit it are journalists and partisans who know the basics of the story. They — okay, we — are not permitted to watch a straightforward drama about how ego and speed and outright fraud can throw lives off course. No, no, instead we get Lt. Colonel Roger Charles (Dennis Quaid, who unfortunately is the character I keep citing as example of the cinema sins here) telling a colleague that Mapes wanted to break this story in 2000, but her mother fell ill, and you know, “537 votes in Florida.”

We feel whipsawed between two equally stupid theories. One: The story of George W. Bush skipping out on TANG service was big enough to change the election. Two: The story was true, and repressed by partisans. Both are highly dubious. Add to this a cringe-inducing scene where a reporter on the story, played by Topher Grace, is being escorted out of the CBS News building and rants about how corporations are trying to suppress any news that threatens their power. It’s the sort of thing the whole narrative is implying, and then a character actually vocalizes it, and we shudder at the stupidity.

There is nothing like that in Spotlight. Actually, the only thin criticism it’s received has focused on the lack of character-building. I found that criticism totally misguided. McCarthy’s script perfectly captures how journalists talk, and more specifically how these journalists talk. (I only know one of them, Marty Baron, who hired me at the Washington Post, and anyone who wishes Liev Schreiber’s Baron was more animated or explosive is wishing he got the role wrong.)

Lots of people have heaped praise on the plotting and momentum of this movie. I think the characterization has been underrated. We do not get or need expository scenes of how months of work on the Catholic Church abuse scandal is affecting Sacha Pfeiffer (Rachel McAdams). We get a scene of her struggling with a dishwasher, and a telling look from her husband when another reporter (Mark Ruffalo) shows up late at night and asks for her. We get that reporter, Mike Rezendes, living in a hovel that he says he can’t really move out of what with the story consuming his time. We get that fact when the Boston Globe’s assistant managing editor (John Slattery) shows up with leftovers, because he knows Rezendes doesn’t have time to cook.

I loved everything about this movie, but what stuck with me was the lack of finality. After Rezendes delivers a copy of the paper with the first (of 600+) Catholic Church expose pieces on the front, he walks past two children who have an appointment with the attorney. They’d been molested two weeks earlier. Two weeks — after we’d seen a lengthy legal fight for documents and a six-week reporting delay due to the 9/11 attacks putting demands on the newsroom. We are told this iteratively, not force-fed. Strangely, it’s Truth that sanctifies the act of journalism and Spotlight that clarifies it.

2014: The First Annual Only Culture Awards That Matter

This year, like every year, I consumed a bunch of #content. Less than usual, and far fewer books than usual, as I have trouble committing to a long read when I’m finishing up my own. I saw roughly half as many movies as I did in 2013, which actually led to less disappointment than usual when the year-end lists informed me that eight of the 10 best films came out for critics in December.

Best movie: Boyhood. I’m inclined to like every Richard Linklater movie, so it was awfully polite of him to make an absorbing classic.
Best movie-within-a-movie: Dune, as envisioned by crazy people in Jodorowsky’s Dune.
Best dystopia: The frozen world of Snowpiercer, everything from the roach-jelly that feeds proles to the psychotic elementary school to the machines run by tiny children. (Runner-up: Whatever the hell happens in the last act of The Congress.)
Best dopplegangers: A tie between the ideal couple in The One I Love and the parallel dinner-partiers in Coherence.
Best Angela Merkel joke: Her appearance in the credits montage of witches in Las Brujas de Zugarramurdi. (The Spanish ain’t happy with her.)
Best miniatures: A tie between The Grand Budapest Hotel and The Lego Movie.
Most jarring use of Ken Burns footage: The dust bowl scenes in Interstellar, which ground the famine-plagued future with interviews of real Okies. Nolan really gave away his source there.
Best sociopath (male): Nightcrawler‘s Lou Bloom, a criminal who’s terrifyingly good at applying self-help language to his manipulations and wanton destruction.
Best sociopath (female): Amy Dunne, the titular Gone Girl.
Worst fake journalist: Gone Girl‘s Ellen Abbott (Missy Pyle), a Nancy Grace stand-in who ruins a man’s reputation and tries to make up for it with the gift of a four-legged robot.
Best use of bluetooth: Ivan Locke (Tom Hardy), in Locke.
Worst sex: The endless S&M of Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and K (Jamie Bell) in the second chapter of Nymphomaniac.
Best music cue: “Real Gone Kid” by Prefab Sprout, which plays just as Under the Skin is shedding its plot dynamics and Scarlett Johanson’s alien has decided to try out humanity, and fail at it. The song gets her tapping her hand to the rhythm in a way that makes her seem more alien than ever.
Worst music cue: “Tusk” in Tusk, Kevin Smith’s attempt to ruin a great Fleetwood Mac song by associating it with fighting men in walrus costumes.
Worst science: Lucy, which not only relies on the myth that humans have yet to tap 90 percent of their brains, but gives Morgan Freeman a serious-sounding expository lecture about that “fact.”
Worst use of Kickstarter: Zach Braff’s Wish I Was Here.
Best song by a fake band: “I’ll Have to Dance With Cassie” by God Help the Girl. Listen and agree:

(Runners up: “Hate the Sport,” by the adorable kids of We Are the Best! and “I Love You All,” by Frank and the Sonopofprbs.)
Best supervillain: Neville Love (Ben Mendelsohn), the Starred Up prisoner whose efforts to protect his equally evil son are not stymied by physics, or timing, or logic.
Worst supervillain: Thanos (Josh Brolin) in Guardians of the Galaxy. Look: I’m a huge goddamn nerd and can quote back parts of the “Infinity Gauntlet” arc. But in the movieverse, so far, Thanos has 1) grinned, 2) glowered, and 3) fallen for the old “instead of delivering this powerful item to you I will steal it and defeat you!” rumble.
Worst action hero: Ford Brody (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), who gives us very little to root for in Godzilla. If you’re going to kill off Brian Cranston, don’t replace him with a stack of cardboard.
Best action hero: Groot, duh.
And if I was assigning Oscars by diktat, I’d hand ’em to Julianne Moore (yes, Still Alice is Oscar bait, but it’s devastating thanks to her), David Oyelowo (for Selma), and Patricia Arquette (for Boyhood). Haven’t seen Whiplash, which all the smart kids say J.K. Simmons is perfect in.

Best mash-up:
Did mash-ups stop being cool? I haven’t heard one at a party in ages. Your loss, humanity: 2 Mello’s Final Fantasy (The 3-6 Chambers) was a complete masterpiece.
Best progressive album: Peter Hammill & Gary Lucas’s Other World. Hammill can really do no wrong, but the ambient guitar sounds brought something fresh and distracting to his music.
Best hip-hop album that isn’t Run the Jewels: Freddie Gibbs & Madlib’s Piñata.
Worst progressive album: Pink Floyd, The Endless River.
Best cover song: Bryan Ferry’s “Johnny and Mary,” a synthtastic pop hit transformed into a slow roasting ballad.

Best supergroup: The Both, the collaboration between Aimee Mann and Ted Leo that produced some of their best music in years, as well as a gripping, friendly live show.
Best concert: See above — 930 Club, earlier this year.
Best music video: The masses are right: Sia’s Chandelier kicked everything else in the ass, and hard.

Most lifelike robot: St. Vincent.

Best flesh-eating monsters: Not The Walking Dead‘s stalwarts; instead, I got way too into the horrifying sex-crazed civilization-destroyers of Crossed.
Best space opera: Jeff Lemire’s Trillium.
Most confounding creator: Between East of West, Manhattan Projects, and God is Dead, I have no idea what the hell Jonathan Hickman is doing. Yet I keep reading.
Best biography: Different All the Time, Marcus O’Dair’s comprehensive life story of Robert Wyatt. A real tonic, and a real reminder to stop slacking on my own history of progressive rock.

The Movies of 2014: The Year of Seeing Fewer Movies

As I keep saying, partly to remind myself to go back to working on it, 2014 is the year I finish the progressive rock history that I’ve wanted to write since I was 20 or so. And 2013 was the year I should have done more work on this, the year I took a bunch of international flights, the year I decided (not sure why) to break my movies-per-year record. No such ambitions this time. My Netflix queue is half old movies, half new. I’ll probably end up seeing 40 or so movies this year, catching up a bunch once the book is handed in, but no longer feeling like it’s worth it to rent crappy movies because they count toward a goal that maybe six people on the Internet care about. I can live and die without ever watching that goddamn Transformers movie.

Anyway! Here’s what I’ve seen so far, taking into account that I need to see Boyhood. Should Snowpiercer count as a pre-2014 release, as that’s when Korea got it? Should Nymphomaniac count as two movies? Whatever, I’ll figure this out, but need a placeholder.

1. Boyhood
2. Jodorowsky’s Dune
3. The Grand Budapest Hotel
4. Selma
5. Snowpiercer
6. Nymphomaniac Vol. I
7. Guardians of the Galaxy
8. Blue Ruin
9. X-Men: Days of Future Past
10. Under the Skin
11. Starred Up
12. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
13. The LEGO Movie
14. The Babadook
15. Rich Hill
16. Coherence
17. Nightcrawler
18. Life Itself
19. Ida
20. 22 Jump Street
21. Still Alice
22. The Lunchbox
23. Frank
24. Gone Girl
25. Obvious Child
26. Only Lovers Left Alive
27. Gloria
28. The Immigrant
29. The Congress
30. Interstellar
31. The Unknown Known
32. Begin Again
33. We Are the Best!
34. Joe
35. Edge of Tomorrow
36. Nymphomaniac Vol. II
37. The One I Love
38. Birdman
39. Las Brujas de Zugarramurdi
40. The Fault in Our Stars
41. Borgman
42. Willow Creek
43. Magic in the Moonlight
44. The Double
45. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
46. Neighbors
47. The Normal Heart
48. Locke
49. The Rover
50. Jimi: All is By My Side
51. Rosewater
52. Palo Alto
53. The Amazing Spider-Man 2
54. Let’s Be Cops
55. Zero Theorem
56. Veronica Mars
57. Tusk
58. Life After Beth
59. Wish I Was Here
60. Winter’s Tale A fascinating failure, exemplifying for some future film school class what studios can do when they really want to option some material but don’t realize that what made it work was un-filmable. Oh, and when they’re unwilling to hand it to a weirdo. It’s like a Jodorowsky movie but filmed by Ron Howard; aka, an Akiva Goldsman film.

Still to see: Hey, I’m in no danger of thinking for myself, and I will want cinematic rewards after turning in the manuscript. I suppose I should see Whiplash, Bird People, Strangers by the Lake, Two Days One Night, Force Majeure, Life Itself, Inherent Vice, and The Missing Picture.

Apocalypse Pretty Soon

Interstellar (Christopher Nolan, 2014)

If you have not yet seen Ken Burns’s documentary about the Dust Bowl, then go, do. It’s a little shy of four hours long, but all of those hours are on Netflix, and they’re compelling in the way that only resurrected history can be. From the first moments, you see heart-stopping footage of mountain-high dust clouds terrorizing shacks that might as well be paper-mache. You see old people who somehow survived this, telling the modern audience that no one who did not live through the horror can understand it.

Imagine my surprise when I stumbled into Interstellar (at a premiere put on by Northrup Grummon, because #ThisTown) and saw… the exact same stuff Ken Burns had shown me. Christopher Nolan’s often-beautiful and just-as-often-stupid epic begins with suspense-killing survivors of a future dust bowl explaining what life used to be like. It is the year 2000-and-something, and an unspecified world crisis has destroyed the environment. The residents of an un-named, still-fertile rural area have watched the destruction of “the last okra crop ever.” Old people like John Lithgow’s Donald still remember the days when “it seemed like they were inventing something every day,” and rue how the declining food supply means wasted lives and corn for every meal.

Several stupid things happen, and Donald’s son-in-law Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) discovers that his daughter Murph (Mackenzie Foy) may have some connection to intelligent life. Patterns in the dust on her floor, which she attributed to “a ghost,” lead him to the underground bunker where NASA is secretly trying to save humanity. Having just shown up and been recognized by an old mentor (Michael Caine), Cooper is drafted into a mission to determine whether a wormhole, near Saturn, leads to a world that can sustain the dying population of Earth. He must leave his young children and come back with salvation — though it’s optional whether he’ll come back at all.

What follows is 90-odd minutes of space opera, with some of the most striking imagery yet put in a blockbuster. Most of this imagery is recorded because Cooper and his crew (including Anne Hathaway) make stupid decisions. Three astronauts preceded them through the wormhole, and have been sending back transmissions about the wisdom of settling on the new worlds. In a plot device borrowed from Goldilocks, the astronauts strike out twice, and we only see the just-right world in an epilogue. We do see a planet that consists of nothing but water whipped into giant storms, and a planet so cold and nitrous that the recon astronaut has set up base camp on a frozen cloud. Oh, and all of the planets revolve around a black hole — don’t ask where the light and heat necessary for life come from — so some mistakes related to relative time lead the expedition to take decades, while earth grows sicker and hungrier.

I have spoiled plenty, and won’t spoil the ending, but will say that it is downright Spielbergian in its use of Arthur C. Clarke pop science to engineer a love-wins scenario. Films like these are critic-proof — who wants to hear a nerd explain that they got black holes wrong — but they should not be as boring as Interstellar occasionally gets. Between the Ken Burns world-building and a few dynamite action sequences (one, and this is very cool, entirely based on one object’s ability to rotate at the same speed as another), there’s considerable slack.

The Rover (David Michod, 2014)

I’ve taken to recapping/reviewing/rambling about two movies at a time. The gimmick is especially worthwhile this week: The nerd who so chooses can easily pretend that these movies occur in the same universe. The Rover begins a decade after some unexplained “collapse,” when grimy people of varied accents are making it by barely in the Australian outback. This is a loaded location for apocalypse drama, and the expectations grow when our hero Eric (Guy Pearce) kicks off the action by refusing to allow a group of thugs to steal his car. “Step away from the gasoline,” and all that.

Eric fails to get his car back, largely because his initial revenge plan involves chasing down three men and fighting them solo. When he recovers, he rendezvous — by pure coincidence — with Rey (Robert Pattinson), a plucky but slow-witted criminal whose brother left him for dead… in order to steal Eric’s car. The two men team up in a shambling plot of revenge and survival. It goes like you might expect.

Honestly, I struggled to follow the threads or the action. The world-building, as mentioned previously, was derivative; there’s one very evocative scene that establishes how militarized gangs seem to have the run of the post-apocalypse, but we’ve seen better in films like The Road. The motivations are dead-end, desperate, sad, but not quite compelling.

Lovesick Teenagers

The Fault in Our Stars (Josh Boone, 2014)

Hollywood’s romance with Young Adult novels, which have remained plot-focused while the grown-up kinds have gotten more abstruse, produced this faithful adaptation of (I’m told) the defining millennial non-vampire love story. It aims for tear-jerking, and does not miss. Hazel (Shailene Woodley, so hot right now) is a cancer survivor whose lungs were partially collapsed in a near-death experience, and who knows her sexless life can end at any moment. Gus (Ansel Elgort) is in the same leaky boat, minus the oxygen tank — he lost a leg to a youthful malady. They meet cute at a therapy circle held at a church (Mike Birbiglia is very funny as the youth leader), and I’m not spoiling anything if I say that they fall in love before one of them dies.

The movie is engineered to make you cry, and it goddamn sure will. Hazel and Gus are larger-than life soulmates in the Montague/Capulet vein, wordier and smarter than any kids you know. A sample piece of dialogue that will make your eyelids damp if you’ve seen the movie: “You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I am eternally grateful.” Who talks like that? Maybe smart kids who are aware that they need to have a eulogy on hand, maybe they do. The world treats them differently; the movie has a lot of fun with the Make a Wish Foundation, and in one weird scene, a friend whose cancerous eyes were amputated (Nat Wolff) gets away with egging his ex-girlfriend’s car even after the ex’s mom catches him. Why not? Why make his hard life any harder? (The viral WaPo essay that accused this movie of making sick teens too glamorous really papered over the whole amputated-eyes thing.)

I’m 33, so my touchstone romantic movies are Say Anything and Before Sunrise, both about healthy people who clearly are going to stay together without any thought of mortality or aging or ending. (In Before Sunrise, we have proof in the form of sequels.) The direction of The Fault in Our Stars is a little rote, and little is left unexpressed by monologues, but it’s hard not to be affected by a story about love with no future. There is nothing to aspire to, or copy, or be jealous of. Sidebar: “Boom Clap,” the onomatopoeiac love song by Charli XCX, is wasted on a short shot of a plane landing. It should be to this movie what “In Your Eyes” was to Say Anything. (It’s not lost on me that “a Peter Gabriel song” as a romantic side dish is an in-joke of this movie.)

Palo Alto (Gia Coppola, 2014)

It’s hard to discuss this without getting into the casting. Here we go: This is a movie by the granddaughter of Francis Ford Coppola, whose wineries are only a short drive away from the Bay Area setting. It stars Emma Roberts, daughter of Eric and niece of Julia, as a sullen and searching teenager named April who resists an emotional connection to Teddy, played by Jack Kilmer, son of Val. (Val Kilmer plays April’s stepfather, an intellectual burnout who rewrites one of her history papers as “Alexander the Dubious” and clearly spends the rest his time hitting bongs and killing XBox characters.) They’re both fine actors, though Roberts is downright compelling where Kilmer is sort of promising. Both of their solidly upper-middle-class characters are spending their high school years making bad decisions, which is realistic enough for me.

Realistic but nothing special. Coppola’s visual style is just like her aunt Sophia’s, bleary yet focused on her actors’ faces as they conceal their emotions. The plot, based on a short story collection by James Franco, is all about people creating mediocre fates for themselves. A girlish conversation about how the soccer coach (Franco, taking one for the team) probably has a crush on April is followed by an affair between April and the coach. The ominous interactions between Teddy and Fred (Nat Wolff, arresting and unrecognizable from his TFIOS performance) lead to trouble for both of them. There are memorable shots — April daydreaming in a car after a successful sexual conquest, Fred’s car careening through the middle lane of a freeway, going the wrong direction. But what’s the point? Wealthy boys and girls with big, soulful eyes are meant for each other? Hell, I could’ve told you that.

Messages in a Bottle

Locke (Stephen Knight, 2014)

Not quite sure what all the fuss is about. Locke is a “bottle” movie, set almost entirely inside the car of the eponymous Ivan Locke (Tom Hardy), as he drives from Birmingham to London and conducts phone calls with his in-auto bluetooth. We learn quickly that Ivan is 1) a talented construction site manager on the verge of a career breakthrough, 2) married, and 3) throwing all of this away, because he’s driving to be present for the birth of an illegitimate daughter. Over 80-odd real time minutes, Locke walks a stressed-out and cider-loving assistant through the job he can no longer be present for, gets fired, gets kicked out of his house, and conducts cold medicine-fueled “conversations” with his absent father, whose own awfulness inspired Locke to take responsibility for his mistake.

Hardy is unsurprisingly fantastic, making some strange decisions — like an accent modeled off Sir Richard Burton’s — that give us a full sense of a character we will never see interact physically with anybody else. I liked in particular how Locke refused to say anything untrue when the hospital was on the line, reiterating “I am the father” instead of making things easier and saying “yes, I’m a relation, patch me in.” It’s compelling, and that’s enough for a rental, but in sum it’s a modest story about a guy who made some bad calls — literally! [Rimshot sound effect or gif to be inserted here.]

Coherence (James Ward Byrkit, 2014)

Another bottle movie, set in and around the director’s home, which doubles for a Bay Area yuppie pad that’s hosting a dinner party on the night that a comest is coming close to Earth. Emily (Emily Baldoni), a struggling dancer with a movie-approriate expository knowledge of comets, notices that her iPhone has shattered without dropping. A few other strangenesses plague the party, including a freak power outage, which sends two of the yuppies outside to find that… holy fucking shit, the only other house on the block is a mirror version of their house. Same people. Slightly different decisions, like the color of glowsticks they use to explore after the blackout. Most importantly, for dramatic purposes, the Earth 1 Emily ruined her career by backing out of a dance show she’d designed. The Earth 2 Emily went ahead with the show and became a star.

There are surface similarities between this movie and Another Earth, a strange but memorable indie melodrama which made a semi-star out of screenwriter/willowy screen presence Brit Marling. (Baldoni even looks a little like Marling.) Coherence is in some ways more predictable, complete with characters who know exactly what knowledge to drop in order to advance the plot, and how to react dramatically to MacGuffins. But it’s tense as all hell, thanks to little tricks like the improvised dialogue and Byrkit’s edits that chop up dinner party patter and rattle your confidence in the narrative. If I didn’t like the movie I’d describe it as jayvee Shane Carruth, as it’s much easier to follow and less visually striking than the Primer director’s work. It’s just a good, sticky suspense film that takes familiar-seeming people into the penumbras of their consciences.