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Vh-1, the erstwhile music channel that recently coverted into a clearinghouse for shows about hair and P. Diddy, collaborated with People magazine to write a list of “the 200 greatest pop culture icons.” Pro: It was hosted by Kristen Davis. Con: It’s nonsense. The list is here.

Ten problems.
– 199) QUEEN LATIFAH
Who references Queen Latifah on a regular basis? Who parodies her? I’m not sure what definition of icon you could use to justify her inclusion in this.
– 190) RUSSELL CROWE
Well, ditto.
– 181) REESE WITHERSPOON
Was Goldie Hawn busy?
– 159) RICKY MARTIN
Was Julio Eglesias busy?
– 155) CHRISTIE BRINKLEY
Why her? Why not any other model?
– 129) DOROTHY HAMILL
Has anyone written a song about her? No. But I do remember a ditty named “What would Brian Boitano do?”
– 119) BEN AFFLECK
People take him seriously?
– 74) SUSAN LUCCI
Maybe to people who collect those special issues of TV Guide.
– 20) BRITNEY SPEARS
Flash in the pan. Future generations will watch the third Austin Powers movie and ask, “who’s that girl with the flat face?”
– 15) JENNIFER LOPEZ
She wore a dress. That’s her claim to fame. She wore a dress. Jesus Christ.

Look, since they included Sigmund Freud on this list, the Vh-1 mullahs must be willing to accept historical figures as icons. And they just plain glossed over some people. I’ll suggest ten.

1. Jesus Christ
Still relevant, still worshiped, and still being blasphemed. He’s a character on South Park AND he’s been played by Willem Dafoe. It’s silly not to include him.
2. Adolf Hitler
One of the most famous men in history, responsible for an endless number of idiotic teenage cults. How much of heavy metal would exist without him?
3. Alice Cooper
There is no “shock rock” without him. And people love that shock rock.
4. Mike Tyson
The most notorious athlete of the last 20 years. Endlessly parodied.
5. Richard Nixon
One of the most referenced and lambasted Americans ever.
6. Yogi Berra
Is anyone more quoted?
7. Sidney Poitier
They call him Mister Tibbs! Come on, people!
8. The Sex and the City girls
Even if you hate to admit it, they defined an era.
9. Sean Penn as Jeff Spicoli
The template for all dumb teenagers that followed. Sean William Scott, Ashton Kutcher – bow down.

As for number ten … well, do you even need to ask?

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